A leader at Weight Watchers said that to me once, she had to gain 50 to lose 100. She didn't mean the weight was a wake up call, she meant that in the process of losing 100 pounds, she gained 50. She would lose 2 lbs one week then gain 0.5, then lose 3 followed by gaining 1. At first I thought "dude that sucks, I don't want to do that," but then I realized that gaining is part of losing. Just like addicts normally relapse a few times before they finally become sober. It sucks and its discouraging and it can really piss other people off, but it happens and its best to see it as a part of the process so that you don't lose all your faith.
Last night I was going to write a post about how I was really scared that I had gained weight this week. I don't know why I thought this. I worked out six days out of seven and came no where near eating all my weekly and activity points, but I still just had the feeling. The feeling was so strong that I begged Benny to watch the baby so that I could go to an extra Spin class on Friday and then run to WW on Saturday. He agreed to both because he is very supportive, but the extra work didn't give me any extra confidence that a loss was in my future. I never ended up posting my concerns and sat on the couch with my parents to watch a movie instead. For two hours my negative thoughts left my body and I enjoyed myself. Then we turned off the TV and they all came back.
This morning when I hopped on the scale I was shocked to see that I lost!!! 1.6 pounds to be exact, bringing me down my first five pounds! I signed a huge sign of relief and hoped off the scale knowing that I had worried for nothing. I knew that I hadn't let myself or anyone else down. Or did I? I was scared and didn't put my thoughts on this blog. Isn't that what blogs are for, to get your thoughts out? I had a community of readers that could have encouraged me, but instead I didn't want to admit defeat in fear that people would judge me, or worst yet stop reading! I'm sorry community of readers. When I am worried about my long, long journey I will share it with you. I wont overwork my poor leg and lower back to the point where I am in pain, just so that I can burn off the dread and desperation. Instead I will use this blog as I am supposed to and I will share the bads with the goods. After all, I probably will gain a little in my journey to lose a lot.
Congrats Colleen! We have a way of sabbotaging ourselves don't we? Yet, our hard work pays off - not always when we expect it - but if not now, next week. Keep it up girl, you are ROCKING IT!
ReplyDeleteMary Towne
When you have those moments, try to identify something that will make you feel better. Sometimes it will be the blog, sometimes, it will be a run around the block, and sometimes it will be playing with the baby. Don't worry that you're not picking the activity people expect you to pick. Just pick the one that works (unless it has to do with cookies or potato chips, don't pick that).
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