To Cheat Day or Not to Cheat Day

To cheat day or not to cheat day, that is the question. Most diets recommend a cheat day. The Biggest Losers get a cheat day, my friends super Nazi no-carb diet book diet gets a cheat day, Weight Watchers recommends eating all your weekly allowance points which can in reality can create a cheat day. Diets recommend a cheat day to help a person feel fulfilled, less deprived, less uncomfortable at fun eating events like parties, and more human over all. I can definitely see the value of the "cheat day." However, I can see how the cheat day is not for everyone.

Normally, I don't cheat day because I'm an all or nothing, mindless eating, can't control myself with cookies eater. If I cheat day you may never see a skinny me again. Because of my complete lack of self control, cheat days are a thing of myth and mystery that I don't experience often. Well yesterday after weighing in (and losing another 1.2 lbs) I cheat dayed (spell checker does not approve of my use of a made up word to prove my point). I had two mini cookies with my mom in the afternoon and then about 3/4 of a cup of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Mint Cookie ice cream in the evening. Boy was I sick last night!! I couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt. I had to drink (as in from the bottle, not from the measuring cup) some Pepto. I was sick as a dog, and why?? For an F-ing cheat day. I hated you last night cheat day. I would poke you with a stick if I could. I should have known I would get sick since I had counted out the days since my last cookie (30 days since having one, but really 58 days since having more than one) and ice cream (28 days). If you can count the days, you are obviously obsessing a little and maybe you need a cheat day. I also saw the first post on FB about girl scout cookies (my demise) and knew that if I didn't get at least something fatty or chocolatey in me a box of Thin Mints would be in my future. So even though I cheat dayed, it was going to happen at some point and would have been way worse. I have a little binge eater in me when it's girl scout time so better 3/4 cup of ice cream than a box or two. Can't forget those peanut butter chocolate ones after all. They would have been involved too.

Small victories past, present, and future

A good friend of mine, Melissa, just started a weight loss blog and posted a very important post the other day. She discussed how important it is to celebrate small victories along with the big ones. As I struggle to loss my first 5%, I have come across a very small victories that I would like to share. First, I have always had asthma and the weight I put on often makes it worse. Yesterday I forgot my inhaler and decided to proceed with my speed interval treadmill work out as planned. I ran for thirty minutes, sometimes at a speed two minutes faster than normal, without wheezing once! Hello victory! In fact maybe the biggest victory yet. I may not weight thirty pounds less but my heart and lungs are getting stronger and more fit. Second victory that I can think of right away would be the week I have gone without back or leg pain. My doctor told me I had a weak back that was sending pain down my right leg. In order to strengthen my lower back and get rid of the pain I hired a personal trainer at the gym and have now seen him twice. No pain!!! This is a victory because I listened to my doctor's advice and did something about a problem. I took the initiative to help my body. Third victory, today after having a very rough start to the day I ran upstairs and grabbed what I thought we my most recently purchased jeans. Little did I know when I went to put them on they were a pair of jeans that I wore a few months after ISA was born around the time I started running with

Week three weight in

I weighed in again on Saturday but instead of immediately getting to the point, let's chat. I started this blog when I read that making your weight loss public was a helpful and easy way to stay on track with your goals. Obviously I followed the advice but The Biggest Loser gave me another helpful, yet very public way to stay on track. Last week a gentleman wrote 349 on his arm with a sharpie. When people would ask him what it stood for, he would say he wants to weight in at 349 on the next weight in. With this as an inspiration I wrote 189 on my arm. You probably don't remember but I weighed 193 last week so aiming for such a large loss was not ideal but I weighed myself Friday morning and saw 191 on the scale. In order to not blow the weight loss I had already lost I wrote 189 to stay motivated. I knew I wouldn't loss that much but it kept me motivated. On Saturday morning I kept the 191.8 on the scale and was down 1.6. The lesson I learned is that people ask why you write things on your hands. We are nosy. So if you need that extra reminder to do something whether it be to call someone or to not eat pizza, write it on your hand. It's a great conversation starter and you become your own reminder. I can't help but dare someone to write "ask me out" on their hand to see if he/she can get a date out of this. Try it!

Being stubborn is often painful

It may not be everyones favorite activity, but it's one of mine. It allows me to forget what is going on in my life and focus on absolutely nothing. It causes sweat to pour off my nose, chafing under my bra, and really knotty hair. It requires a lot of sunscreen which often ends up burning my eyes. I can do it alone, with a friend, with my dog, with a stroller, with my husband, with a group, on the pavement, on the dirt, uncomfortably on the sand, with music, without music, while watching TV, or my personal oldie but goodie favorite- against a bus. It's running! I love it! I've been told over and over again not to do it, how to do it, where to do it, and when to do it. I have pushed myself past the breaking point with it. I have surprised myself with it. I have spent hours in the ER because of it. I have put myself into tears because of it. I have even won awards for it. And right now I really can't do it. 

I have something wrong with my lower back. Medical professionals in both medicine and physical therapy have suggested several reasons behind the back pain that is shooting cringing pain down my leg. Maybe it's a slipped disk, a pitched nerve, just a weak back. Who knows. All I know is that when I run I am in pain to two to three days after. I have been running anyway since I'm stubborn as hell but the pain can be so bad I can't even life my foot to push down on the gas pedal. Instead of giving up running (which I know would be best, but I never really listened to that) I am meeting with a personal trainer today to "work on" my lower back and the stomach muscles that wrap around to my back. Let's hope this works because I'm not going to stop running. I'll probably never stop running. 

Health Scare

On Tuesday morning I went to the doctor after being told the doctor wanted to talk to me about my blood results. Immediately Benny and I started worrying about diabetes, cholesterol, or worse. It turns out that my thyroid is giving out. The doctor asked if I have been tired, cranky, hungry, or had sudden weight gain. Um yeah! Most is due to raising a baby but I did gain almost 20 pounds in less than three months. I figured the weight gain was brought on by losing a baby when I miscarried two years ago. I guess it wasn't. The doctor gave me medication that I will need to take for the rest of my life to keep my thyroid making the hormones that I need. On a good note, the medication is supposed to help me lose weight easier and it will help my body sustain a pregnancy so that my chances of miscarriage go down. I'm looking at the whole thing as a positive thing and I look forward to the weight loss help and I can't wait to be excited about being pregnant instead of being scared.

I wanted to write this post because I called the doctor just to see if my health was ok. I wanted to check my cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. If I hadn't checked in with a doctor I wouldn't know that a health condition caused my weight gain. I wouldn't know that there is something I can do to prevent miscarriage. A few months ago my aunt did a health check and found out she had cancer. It's important to take care of all aspects of our health, not just maintaining a healthy weight. So here are my pledges to my health: 

I pledge to go to the dentist twice a year. 

I pledge to get my skin checked once a year by a dermatologist.

I pledge to buy floss and at least try to use it on a regular basis.

I pledge to drink less diet soda.

I pledge to take care of my eyes by wearing sunglasses and of my feet by wearing better shoes. 

I pledge to not blare my music too loud in my car and more importantly from my headphones.

More pledges to come and I encourage you to look at your own health too.
 

Sent from my iPhone

I had to gain 50 to lose 100

A leader at Weight Watchers said that to me once, she had to gain 50 to lose 100. She didn't mean the weight was a wake up call, she meant that in the process of losing 100 pounds, she gained 50. She would lose 2 lbs one week then gain 0.5, then lose 3 followed by gaining 1. At first I thought "dude that sucks, I don't want to do that," but then I realized that gaining is part of losing. Just like addicts normally relapse a few times before they finally become sober. It sucks and its discouraging and it can really piss other people off, but it happens and its best to see it as a part of the process so that you don't lose all your faith.

Last night I was going to write a post about how I was really scared that I had gained weight this week. I don't know why I thought this. I worked out six days out of seven and came no where near eating all my weekly and activity points, but I still just had the feeling. The feeling was so strong that I begged Benny to watch the baby so that I could go to an extra Spin class on Friday and then run to WW on Saturday. He agreed to both because he is very supportive, but the extra work didn't give me any extra confidence that a loss was in my future. I never ended up posting my concerns and sat on the couch with my parents to watch a movie instead. For two hours my negative thoughts left my body and I enjoyed myself. Then we turned off the TV and they all came back.

This morning when I hopped on the scale I was shocked to see that I lost!!! 1.6 pounds to be exact, bringing me down my first five pounds! I signed a huge sign of relief and hoped off the scale knowing that I had worried for nothing. I knew that I hadn't let myself or anyone else down. Or did I? I was scared and didn't put my thoughts on this blog. Isn't that what blogs are for, to get your thoughts out? I had a community of readers that could have encouraged me, but instead I didn't want to admit defeat in fear that people would judge me, or worst yet stop reading! I'm sorry community of readers. When I am worried about my long, long journey I will share it with you. I wont overwork my poor leg and lower back to the point where I am in pain, just so that I can burn off the dread and desperation. Instead I will use this blog as I am supposed to and I will share the bads with the goods. After all, I probably will gain a little in my journey to lose a lot.

Is an hour of discomfort worth it?

What would you rather be doing? When I enter the gym or go out on a run I'm happy to be there. It's a break from my mini-me ISA, it's a chance to listen to old tunes, it's a chance to make showering on a daily basis a priority that can't be ignored for just one more day. I appreciate the benefits of putting myself in an uncomfortable situation. Sure I'd rather be eating ice cream and lounging on the couch but well that got me where I don't want to be. I have to ask myself: which condition is more uncomfortable, running too many miles or gaining weight year after year for the rest of my life? One hour of physical discomfort is worth a longer, fuller life, I mean come on I already admitted that one hour of discomfort is worth showering. 

How can one hour at the gym equal a fuller, longer life? Even if it's an hour of the most relaxing yoga ever, that one hour leads to a lifestyle, a healthy lifestyle. A person who takes the time to do something physically fit for his or her body usually doesn't hit up Jack and the Box on the way home (this excludes Amber Cano, she actual is one of those freaks, love ya but it's weird). So if hitting the gym, trial, heavy bag, or perfect frog pose leads to a green salad instead of a slice of pizza, that one hour of activity lengthened your life one hour at a time.

I never knew I was fat

We all look into the mirror at least once a day right? I do, probably more than that and I don't have a free minute in the day to gaze upon my reflection. So how can I look in the mirror all the time and never see a "fat" person? Overweight, obese, whatever you want to call it, it wasn't me. How am I that clueless you may ask...well Ill tell you. I never saw an overweight/fat person because I saw no evidence of it. I always wore the same size jeans, I didn't gain weight all the time requiring me to buy new clothes. No one called me names and my hubby likes me for me so I didn't feel ignored by members of the opposite sex. My cholesterol is great, no diabetes, and my blood pressure is so low the doctor always pokes me to see if I'm awake when they are taking it. But really the reason I never saw myself as overweight was/is because I never act like it.

In October, at 200 pounds, seven months after having a baby, and with exercise induced asthma, I RAN a half marathon. I didn't walk, not even once. An overweight person is not supposed to be able to do this, right? Today in yoga I bent and flexed and posed my way into pretzel like shapes that overweight people cannot get into. So I must not be overweight, right? In my mind I was the same as everyone else.

I met with a personal trainer last week and all he said was "wow, I didn't expect you to be this strong." My response was polite but in my head I thought "why not, because I'm a girl?" It never dawned on me that his surprise was probably due to my size, an overweight person is not SUPPOSED to be able to do most of the physical activities that I do. Then I remembered when I finished my half-marathon hyped up on adrenaline that a woman asked me if I had walked the race that her thin daughters had just ran. I was confused at first and corrected her with the details of my run and then returned to my family hurt that she didn't think I could run like thin people.

Well to the trainer and to the stranger and to everyone else that puts doubt on overweight people, screw you. We can do things, a lot of things. I can run and I can jump. I can climb and throw punches. I'll beat you at most sports and in a fight I would kick your ass, so watch your back because I'm coming for you. I'm only going to get stronger every day that goes by.


PS...tomorrow marks the end of week one so I'm not going to be keeping track of days anymore. It will be too hard to count back, and I'm just plain too tired for math.

Day Five: Returning to the scale for the first time

Today was the bog day. The day when I returned to the scale. Did I measure my arms, legs, and belly to see just how round I am like I wanted to do before weighing in? Nope? Who has string? Did I track every morsel of food I ate and exercise like a mad women? Yup! So what did the scale say? 195!!! Down 3.4 pounds in five days!! Tell me that's not Biggest Loser style! I was shocked and excited and ready to tell everyone who walked by. Instead I held my secret inside for a little while and sighed a little sigh of relief that I didn't let myself and all of you down. Who would have known that this blog really would keep me motivated for more.

The weight loss was great but I think the greater event that took place was bringing a friend with me to the meeting and then discussing points totals with friends at the play date hosted at our house later in the day. Having a partner in crime is such an invaluable experience. You are full of hope for your friend and they feel the same way towards you. You have someone to bounce ideas off of and to bitch to when you need it. If you ever consider embarking in a challenge that you feel you cant do alone, I bet there is someone there that will join you. Normally you don't know who that person is until you ask. I have always been a more successful athlete and dieter when I have been in a group. I put on a show to make people think that I'm just really competitive (which is pretty true so I guess its not a show) but in reality I enjoy having someone with me that feels my frustration, worry, and guilt. None of these are good traits or qualities to carry and I don't wish them on anyone, but its so nice to know that I'm not alone and that someone has my back. So to Melissa, Kersten, and Megan, thank you for being with me today throughout all our WW conversations. I appreciate each of you for many reasons and you add partner in crime to that list.

Day Two: Finding Support Where I Didn't Know I Had It

I have to say I was shocked to see how much support I received from everyone. I didn't think anyone would give me the time of day, let alone make comments and come out of the woodwork with encouragement and similar stories and struggles. I am grateful to all those who reached out. 

That was all sappy and about all I can handle so let me move on to the other wonderful piece of support I got from my husband today. I asked for a membership to 24 Hour Fitness for Christmas (and got it) and was very excited about my new home. I really like working out with buff, pretty people because it makes me want to be one. It has been great getting away from the baby for an hour (if I push it any longer I became the a-hole who gets called to Kids Club to pick up the screaming child making every ones life harder). I find myself trying to fit in workouts I don't have scheduled just to have a minute or 60 to myself. 

Anyway, I'm rambling, the reason I brought up the hubby wasn't because of the gym membership. I brought him up because today he left home early this morning so that he could come home an hour earlier (with his inventories to figure out mind you) so that I could go to a trampoline aerobics class at Sky Zone in Rocklin. Putting an inconvenience on yourself to help someone else reach a goal that may or may not be possible is kind of a big deal. So thank you to Benny for giving me the chance to try a new physical activity and thank you Paul Martins staff for allowing him to leave. Even if you called all night asking him questions, I never got called to come home to take baby duty back so he could go back to the restaurant. So thank you all, especially Benny who will hopefully make this a re-occurring Wednesday night thing. Wink Wink. 

And for anyone interested in trying a new class or activity look into trampoline classes. Even though you risk the chance of falling (as I did today), its really fun!

Day One: All or Nothing

So I'm trying again. I lost weight (a lot of weight) several years ago, but as you probably have notices its all back. It came back slow, first when I started dating Benny, then when I started a desk job, followed by leaving NYC and obtaining a car, then pregnancy, then another pregnancy, and then add a love for junk food to all of that. So today at Weight Watchers I weighted in at 198.4 pounds, eight pounds heavier then I started at back in 2003. When I first lost weight I had a goal, I was going to be a police officer. This time I don't have such an obvious goal. Should I just loss weight to live longer? That's not soon enough. I want an easier pregnant so maybe weight loss will help? I just want to be hot? I guess I should figure things out.

I decided to start a blog when I went to Barnes and Nobles looking for a book for inspiration. In the past I have been motivated by books on super athletes or even just normal people who have accomplished cool stuff. They always made me want to do whatever it was they were doing. For example, I read about a girl who swam across the English Channel and suddenly I wanted to swim. So I want to lose weight and get buff again therefore I want to read a book about a plain Jane who did just that. And after scouring B & N and leaving empty handed I decided I would just do it myself. Here I am, for you to read about. Lets see how I do.