Do you shy away from the camera? I sure do

Losing weight is not just about food choices, calorie counting or stacking up the minutes on an elliptical. Everyone has heard the myth that willpower is everything, but now fitness experts are discussing “want power.” "Willpower is defined as the mental strength to set limits for yourself. Want power is your desire and motivation-the forces that drive you to behave in a certain way" (Rippe and Weight Watchers, 2005, p. 56).

Your motivation to get to a healthy weight and maintain it, is usually caused by something. It could be an event coming up (good thing no one organized our high school reunion) or a comment about the way you look. In my case the event that made me want to lose weight was the pictures I erased off of my FB page that showed a rather plump Colleen next to a row of beautiful, thin girls. Sorry Caitlin, your wedding was beautiful and I am very happy for you but your pictures are not going on my page. I'll need you to renew your vows in a couple of months so that I can look better in your photos. Thanks!

Today a group of friends and I discussed how we want to look different than we do now. We each found a flaw in ourselves that no one else saw. We were forgetting to be happy with our bodies, even though the figure can be the first to go when life (in this case, babies) get in the way. So I know I write about how unhappy I can be with my weight and physical appearance, but I can’t help but wonder if I will look back at pictures of myself today and think “damn I looked good.” So I think I’ll try to change my mindset and even though I know I have work to do to get to a healthy weight, I am going to try to be happy with myself in the process. I don’t want to miss pictures of Isa and I on Easter because I was too disappointed in my belly (read: myself) to take pictures with her. I am going to try to be happy so that I don’t miss out on life. I want to be confident in pictures and not regret them like the ones taken at Caitlin’s wedding. 

Oh yeah...the results

Sorry I forgot to add the results for the race and this weeks weigh in.

Moral of the story...Don't underestimate yourself.

Reason: When I registered for the race I decided to race in my age group of 20-29 instead of the the Athena group, which is for women over 160 pounds. When I registered I decided to do this because I wanted to race earlier in the herd, because last time I raced with the Athena group I finished almost last, and these TBF events are known for participants packing up and leaving as you are still racing. Since I hated having to run around cars trying to leave, I decided to race earlier with my age group. Now when I got to the race, I saw that there were only 11 people in my age group. This has never happened before and the idea that the top five racers in each group gets a winners plaque crossed my mind. Hmmm. I thought, I have a 50-50 chance of taking home a plaque. Then I realized the other ten participants in the 20-29 group were 22. Oh well I thought, not this year.

So I got into the swim area and took my place at the back of the swim heat so that I wouldn't be in the faster swimmers way when the clusterfuck of swimmers take the water. When the "Go" was yelled (no horn or gun to start us off) I waited for everyone to clear the path and then dove in. I proceeded to then pass all those "good, fast swimmers" swimming the best swim of my life. I got out of the water before half of them. Then it hit me...oh my god, i could get a winners plaque! I then cycled and ran my heart out to get that plaque that I have never even seen before because it has always been out of my league.

With all my hard work I came in sixth! That's right I missed my chance of a winners plaque by 40 seconds, the amount of time I let all the "better" swimmers go ahead of me. I was so disappointed in myself for not believing in myself. I could have had a cool award that I beat out six 22 year olds for, and instead I get to think: "Wow if I would have had more self-confidence I could have had an award." I may never get my chance to win again, and its all my fault.

So I walked away from the race both pissed that I let myself down, and excited that I had completed another triathlon. I finished in one hour and six seconds and felt like I could have kept going. I had a blast during the race and it defiantly served its purpose, Benny and I made a list of races to do all summer. It really was a good day. I learned that my body can recover after injury and I learned that I need to believe in myself or I'm never going to be in the winners circle.



WW Update:
Week one "back" and I lost 1.8 pounds. I was very pleased with this and hope to keep the ball rollin'

I hate you a little less today

When we started off you kinda screwed me. I could never play tag because I would get targeted as the slow one and get tagged first. Then since I couldn't breathe I was stuck "It" forever. Who came up with being an "It" anyway? Made me feel like crap. You were no better to me in a swimming pool either. I hated pool games like Marco Polo and all the stupid swim across the pool games. You made it so that I couldn't hold my breath long enough to dive down or swim over, and again the "it" factor showed up again.

I remember winning an award in middle school for being the "most inspirational" athlete. You know why I won that? Because you made go to the ER with asthma attacks. Seems fair, right? Thanks a lot.

Its not just one part of you that let me down either. More recently you decided to self-destruct making me question everything about my life. Am I good enough for my husband? Maybe he should have married someone else who could give him the happiness he deserves. You made me have to rethink my whole life plan....again! Could you throw a few less curve balls. You already destroyed my dream job, do you really have to go for the family too!! You cant really say "at least you got your health," when you are the one screwing that up.

But really today, you weren't so bad. Technically 13 and a half months ago and the ten months prior to that you weren't so bad either (maybe the second time I ever really liked you), but today is fresh on my mind. It seems like when I hate you the most, you come back to help me out again.

You looked good today. You swam like a mermaid, getting out of the lake in less than five minutes. Your stubs sure looked good with numbers written on them. Pretty skinny actually, and lets admit "skinny" is not normally a word we reserve for you. But on the bike, you looked good and dare I say skinny. Most importantly I appreciated the work you put out on the run. You kept the engine roarin and the feet a movin. And even though you were passed by everyone between 40-49 and the whole Woodcreek High tri-team (14-17 years old), you did manage to race to the end with that 10 year old, AND BEAT HIM!! Ha thank that ten year old.

I guess our love-hate relationship will have to continue, but I would really like to hate you less. I realize you may hate me sometimes too. I do enjoy beer without asking your permission, and aspartame sure tastes better than the non-processed stuff, but I promise to treat you better, now just start treating me better please. I made a list of races to do, all of which I will need to train for, so Ill probably eat really healthy all summer. So lets help me out, ok. Just get the asthma, allergies, etc etc under control. Ill work on you but you need to play your part to.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
The mind that tells you what to do

Triathlon only has one A in it

Sometimes I think I'm pretty crafty, smart, enthusiastic, athletic, etc etc on the positive attributes. And sometimes I go against all that wisdom and do stupid stuff just to see what happens. Two point five minutes ago I did such a thing and signed up for the Ice Breakers Dash, a triathlon sponsored by a local triathlon team here in the greater Sacramento area. Now I have successfully completed four point five triathlons in the past including the prestigious New York City Triathlon which was an Olympic distance race that involved swimming in the Hudson River. At one point you needed to get shots just to participate in the race but thanks to environmental freaks like Lisa, I was lucky to swim in a safer (read: no dead bodies) Hudson River. Anyway, long story short, triathlons are not new to me. The point five was because although I finished the fifth triathlon here in Granite Bay I was DQed for not one, not two, but three bike tire explosions. More later... possibly.

SO yay for me... triathlete me is on her way back into the world. The dumb part of all this is that the triathlon is on Sunday, like in three days. Only I would do this to myself. I have officially been back to the gym three times since getting off of bed rest and in the same number of days I will be swimming, biking and running. I did this for several reasons that are actually pretty logical, despite what you may think. Reasons are as follows:

1. Once you have participated in a multi sport event, you know what to expect. Once you have participated in several events and participated on several training teams, one of which I even coached, I really know what to expect, how to behave, how to act, etc. Therefore Ill be fine.

2. Once you spend three months being really excited about working out and improving your life and are then cut short and down to nothing, you need something to remind yourself that you can return. Will power is great but want power is better. I want to do this. Will has nothing on the amount of want, so I need will to know she can do it too.

3. I'm doing the race alone (unless you want to join me). I need things to do by myself. This is a battle that wages in my own head and body and to be able to get myself out of bed in the dark, drive to Folsom, set up my crap, and wait at the starting line....alone, is a huge accomplishment and celebration in my eyes. No one can tell me this is dumb if no one is there. Therefore if you are a nutcase too and want to sign up, go ahead, Ill teach you everything you need to know about triathlon in the next three days, just don't be a lame-o once its time to go or Ill kick your goggles off just to get away from you while you put them back on. :)

4. Its a super sprint so 200 meters of swimming, 6.5 miles of biking, and a 2 mile run is easy for me. Easy is a nice way to start the triathlon/running season. I know this is not easy for most people so please don't take those words wrong, but I encourage you to see how easy it can be.

5. I have loyal readers that have expressed to me that they love this blog. I feel I need/want to tell people how possible the impossible is. Triathlon is a sport that seems scary to most and its not scary at all. Getting back into shape is a concept that most find scary and its not scary at all. Doing something because you know it is just right despite its logic is a scary notion that is not scary at all. I will do a triathlon in three days so that you and I both know that life's setbacks are just that, they are setbacks and if you want to or need to move on by doing something crazy then do it. I know I can do this and I will do this in three days. I have only swam once in the last two years but that's OK, that day was magic and I left the pool so heart happy. I am going to drive home on Sunday, heart happy again. I encourage you to do something, whether it be trying low-fat ranch or running a 5K, that you think is silly, stupid, impossible, crazy, or just plain dumb. You will surprise yourself.

Im back!!

As many of you know I have been missing in action (diet and exercise action) for the past eight weeks and have been on a modified bed rest while I battle with a health problem that has plagued me for the past two years. I am fine and will continue to be fine, just a few heart breaking moments that will probably never stop. As I sat on the couch, I realized just how many people I can count on in life when the going gets tough. I have friends who live hundred plus miles away offer to take off work to come help with Isa. I had a friend who has similar health issues drop everything to come one particularly painful night, when the only person I wanted was her or my mom. My family and friends have always been there but I realize I don't give them the credit they deserve. So for everything, I thank you. Now lets move on because that's all I ever want to do.

Today, Teresa the Weight Watchers leader, whom I heart big time, saw me for the first time in eight weeks and asked if I was okay. She was worried because she knew how well I was doing and how excited and proud I was before I disappeared. I told her "health stuff" and she had a knowing head nod and then moved on to helping the next person. As I tried to sit through the meeting (emphasis on "tried" since I had the hellion who managed to gather stares from everyone as she made "nom nom" noises the whole time she ate her high fiber cereal (3 pts for a cup!)), I realized that I am really excited to be back. Today is my first day one hundred percent back and I am so excited. So excited that I dragged poor Melissa to the grand opening of the new Roseville Performance Bike Shop and then proceeded to steal her well earned gift card. I forced her to help me pick out new sports sunglasses (if you stole my Nike's please give them back, reward available for tips on their where abouts) and made her help me find fatty bike shorts. Then I made poor Melissa suffer through my excitement about returning to mountain biking and even hoovered her into weekly babysitting. THEN I came home and proceeded to look for races, activities, and gym classes to fill every day of the week for the next four months.

I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and that I can breathe again. I didn't realize (I thought I knew but I really didn't) how much I missed having an active lifestyle. My friend warned me that it would take a while to get back up to my previous aerobic fitness level but that's OK. I like the build up. Going for a run today when Isa wakes up from her nap and I have a bike ride planned for tomorrow with the hubby and bike trailer (if it works we are talking daily rides with Isa). So if you are free or have something fun to try please let me know. I'm down for almost anything free and almost anything almost free. Hope to see you out there! PS Ill post a list of future races and activities for any takers interested.

PS... I was really lax over the last two months about my eating but lost about a half a pound, so I guess I wasn't too bad.